Mel: Earlier this week I came across a piece of news that provided the inspiration for this post. I missed the Frozen Dead Guy Days – a weekend long festival that revolves around a Frozen Dead Guy. This got me thinking about the fact that the world must be absolutely full of bizarre and fantastic festivals that simply must be experienced at least once in your life in order for it to be complete and without regret. So here goes, a list of 10 Non-sexual Festivals that you can’t die without having participated in at least once.
Tati: OH BOY! This gotta be a good one. I also love watching Mel pretending she is sweet and innocent.
Mel: Frozen Dead Guy Days (obviously)
Confess it was you that won last year wasn’t it Tati?
Tati: Mel, I can understand why you think that was me last year. First, because I go every year and second because I have the exact same dress! But I didn't win last year : (
Next year I WILL win foh sure! I'm going as Laura Palmer.
No way I'll lose as Laura Palmer
Mel: More info on this festival, for the ones who want to steal the prize from Tati in 2010:
Where & When: Nederland, Colorado (USA) - Friday through Sunday of the first full weekend in March.
What is it? A festival that started in 2002 surrounding the bizarre story of Grandpa Bredo and his Norwegian deported relatives and their attempts at creating a Cryogenic facility.
Activities include: Coffin Races, Slow-motion parades, Frozen Dead Guy Look alike contests, Snowshoe Race, Showing of the Documentaries: Grandpa’s in the Tuff Shed & Grandpa’s still in the Tuff Shed, Tours of the Tuff Shed where the Frozen Dead Guy is, Polar Plunge (Jumping into lakes that were frozen over –requires breaking the ice), Pancake Breakfasts, Attending the “Grandpa’s Blue Ball” (a dance), Ice Sculpture Contests, Eating “Frozen Dead Guy” flavored Ice Cream, Dancing Zombies, and of course Beer Drinking.
Why I want to go: Come ON! Coffin Races, Frozen Dead Guy Ice Cream, and Dancing Zombies? Must I say more?
Tati: OK nothing sexual about this, but wait 'till you get there! Frozen sex is the best! THE BEST JERRY!!!
Mel: Burning Man
Where & When: Black Rock Desert, Nevada (USA) – September near Labor day Weekend – This year will be August 31st to September 7th.
What is it? A festival that celebrates freedom community and the following 10 principles: Radical Inclusion (Everyone is welcome – no restrictions), Gifting, Radical Self-Reliance, Radical Self Expression, Communal Effort, Civic Responsibility, Leaving No Trace, Participation, Immediacy, & Decommodification (Extremely limited Cash transactions – basically only tickets to get in & out & purchase of industrial beverages (Coke) & fuel). Every year there is a theme, and at the end of the festival a giant male effigy is burnt. This year`s theme is Evolution.
Activities include: Salt/Sand Storms, Bonfires, “Self Expression”, Art Installations, themed camps, shows, parties, Mutant Vehicles/Art Cars, “Clothing Optional”, Alcohol (& Drugs), Free Condoms & Cookies, and even more bizarre/interactive art,
Why I want to go: Ok while this seems like a modern artsy Hippie festival (and it is) it also features things you won’t see anywhere else on earth. Some of these should have remained unseen but others are ephemeral and a “had to be there” experience. Every year it grows and the more people that go the crazier it gets and the more “bizarre” things that can happen & I`ll take a camera to capture it all.
Tati: Is anybody else thinking about this, or is it just me?
Man I'd love to see that! Also. Sex in the fire is the best! THE BEST JERRY!!!
Tati: WOW, BEAUTIFUUUUUL!!!!
Where & When: countries with a large Hindu population such as India, Nepal, Suriname, Guyana, South Africa, Trinidad, the UK, Fiji, & Mauritius in late February or March for up to 16 days depending on the location.
What is it? A festival that celebrates Hindu beliefs regarding some demon or other and some other gods and the story was really long and complicated and I was having trouble following it. I`m sure it’s really fascinating and someday I will dedicate myself to understanding it, but basically it is a giant “color” fight in order to force out the bad and bring in the good. The colors being thought to be good for the health and to take all the sorrow away.
Tati: I am SURE breathing all that color dust is awesome for your health. I can almost feel my colorful lungs!
Activities include: Colored Water Squirt gun “fights”, Water balloons filled with color water, colored powder fights, Special Bonfires, Singing of Holi Songs, Swings, Flower Garlands, “Beating of brothers-in-law with rope Saris”, prayers & other religious rituals, folk dances, drinking of bhang (cannabis) & Provocative song singing by men followed in retaliation by the women beating the men with sticks.
Why I want to go: Water Fights & Colored Water Sign me up today!
Tati: Can you say colorful sex? It must be the best! THE BEST JERRY!!!
Mel: Phallus Festival
Tati: reminds me of the whore festival we have in Brazil
Where & When: Tyrnavos, Greece on the first Monday before lent (the day before Carnival)
What is it? The pagan fertility festival in honor of the god Dionysus & marks the beginning of the Greek Orthodox fasting period before Easter.
Activities include: Phallic Object parades, Eating Spinach Soup, Phallus shaped bread & Other foods, Cooking of the “bourani” soup (people are rocked over it and must kiss a ceramic phallus and drink alcohol from its tip in order to be “set free”), Being hit by giant Phalluses, Sitting on a Phallus Throne,
Tati: Pretty OK!
Why I want to go: Who wouldn’t?
Tati: The best, THE BEST JERRY!!!
Mel: Pirates in Paradise Festival
Where & When: Nov. 28th – Dec. 6th (this year) in Key West, FL
What is it? “9 Days of Pure Piratical Escapades Celebrating Key West's Rich & Colorful Maritime Heritage”
Activities include: Maritime & Pirate Museums/Exhibits/Historical Stuff, Dressing up as a pirate/competitions, lots of reenactments, lots of street entertainers (like Renaissance Festivals) Pirate Invasions, Pillage & Plunder Parties, Pirate Attacks, Walking Tours, Official end of Hurricane Season Parties, Music & Dancing, Parties & Drinking, Nautical Excursions, Most Boom Wench & Bad Ass Pirate competitions, Village Thieves Market, Pirate Olympics, Walk the Plank Championship, Artists & Vendors, Shipwreck Ball, Lighted Holiday Parade, & Pirate Weddings.
Why I want to go: Pirates – arrrrrrrrrrrrrr Someone loan me a peg leg and an eye patch, quick!
Tati: Mel, have you ever had sex with a pirate?
Mel: Nope
Tati: It's the best! THE BEST JERRY!!!
Mel: La Tomatina
Where & When: the last Wednesday of August in the town of Buñol in the Valencia region of Spain.
What is it? La Tomatina is a food fight festival where the women wear white and the men wear no shirts, that no one is quite sure why/how it started but is somehow related to the patron saint of the city (Mary of the Defenseless) but Is basically a giant rotten tomato food fight. The fight does not begin until someone manages to remove a ham from the top of a greased pole.
Activities include: paella cook off, Singing, Dancing, Giant Tomato Food Fight, parades, & fireworks.
Why I want to go: FOOOOD FIIIIGGGGHHHHT!
Tati: EXTREME FOOD FIGHT! You will be picking out tomatoes out of your ass for a week.
Mel: Wait...What?
Tati: mmmmmm tomatoes The best, the best, the best, the best, the best, the best...
Mel: International Birdman Festival
Where & When: summer in Bognor Regis on England's South Coast
What is it? The Birdman is a flight competition for human powered flying machines no motors allowed. You have to reach 50 feet – I personally think professional hang gliders should be banned.
Activities include: Watching people in funny costumes or with weird flying contraptions try to fly a specific distance and failing epically and fantastically.
Why I want to go: I want to compete.
Tati: HAHAHAHA Birdman!!!
Mel: Up Helly Aa
Where & When: Lerwick, Shetland
What is it? A Viking Festival mixed with some Yule traditions all served on a messy plate of flaming flamboyant fun. Has been nicknamed “Transvestite Tuesday” but is considered officially to be a Viking Fire Festival
Activities include: crowning of the Jarl, Burning of the Viking Longboat (Viking Sea Burial), Best Shop Window Competition, themed costumes, torch processions, skits, competitions, parties, singing & dancing, cross dressing (male), reenactments, street fairs, beer & bonfires.
Why I want to go: I like an excuse to wear a costume, and if I’ve already done the pirate thing, why not the Viking?
Tati: What girl doesn't wanna have sex with a delicious Viking?
Oh my, my! Would you look at that axe?
Mel: The Blobfest
Where & When: mid July in Phoenixville, PA (USA) This year will be July 10th – 12th.
What is it? Celebrates the 1958 cult classic The Blob in a party held in the city where the movie was filmed.
Activities include: Movie scene reenactments, The Blob movie showings, Costume Contests, Blob themed merchandise, Pizza Blobs, Option to buy insurance against Blob damage, injury & fatalities, The Blob Ball, Tin Hat Competition, Steve McQ ueen Look alike contest, Sci-fi B-movie showings, The Scream Awards, Street Fair, Fire Extinguisher Parade, and other Blob/Sci-fi B-movie related activities, foods and events.
Tati: Sex in goo perhaps? That would be so much fun!
Why I want to go: Gotta show the love to the B movies of the world, and I`m all for helping little town preserve their theaters & future Sci-fi origins.
Tati: No funnies about this one. Shitty movies is serious business! (shut up!)
Mel: Oulu Music Video Festival (Air Guitar World Championship)
Where & When: Oulu Finland, in August
What is it? Originally started as a joke, the competition was only meant only to be a side attraction for the music video festival. The ideology behind the event was that "wars would end and all the bad things would go away if everyone just played air guitar".
Activities include: Air Guitar World Competition, Music Video Competition (Finnish & International), Music Film contest and in general events relating to Finnish & International music….and an Air Guitar Competition.
Why I want to go: Well it is in Finland and based on the other festivals both on this page and floating around the net; they know how to make a festival out of something everyone else would find silly or retarded. Maybe that’s how I come by it – it’s genetic. Plus – it’s a music festival with an AIR GUITAR competition? Or didn't you notice?
Tati: Since Drummers are WAY hotter than skinny Guitar players. I will make my air drums festival. It's gonna be called AIR DRUM FEST! I see there is a HUGE potential.
Mel: There were so many great festivals it was hard to narrow it down to just 10. Maybe I`ll have to make a part two to this list. Enjoy and if anyone ever goes to one of these send us pictures, otherwise I’ll post mine when I finally take them, so Tati which one do we hit first?
Tati: OH MAN! I wanna fuck a pirate! Let's go to the pirate thing one!!!!
It's the best, THE BEST JERRY!!!
Holi is hilarious among all festivals
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